Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff: Declutter, Downsize, and Move Forward With Yo

Description: Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff by Matt Paxton Americas top cleaning expert and star of the hit series Legacy List with Matt Paxton distills his fail-proof approach to decluttering and downsizing.Americas topcleaningexpert and star of the hit series Legacy List with Matt Paxton distills his fail-proof approach to decluttering and downsizing.Your boxes of photos, familys china, and even the kids height charts arent just stuff; theyre attached to a lifetime of memories--and letting them go can be scary. With empathy, expertise, and humor, Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff, written in collaboration with AARP, helps you sift through years of clutter, let go of what no longer serves you, and identify the items worth keeping so that you can focus on living in the present.For over 20 years, Matt Paxton has helped people from all walks of life who want to live more simply declutter and downsize. As a featured cleaner on Hoarders and host of the Emmy-nominated Legacy List with Matt Paxton on PBS, he has identified the psychological roadblocks that most organizational experts routinely miss but that prevent so many of us from lightening our material load. Using poignant stories from the thousands of individuals and families he has worked with, Paxton brings his signature insight toa necessary task.Whether youre tired of living with clutter, making space for a loved one, or moving to a smaller home or retirement community, this book is for you. Paxtons unique, step-by-step process gives you the tools you need to get the job done. FORMAT Paperback LANGUAGE English CONDITION Brand New Author Biography Matt Paxton is one of the top cleaning, downsizing, decluttering, and hoarding experts in the country. He now hosts the Emmy-nominated PBS show Legacy List With Matt Paxton, after having been featured on A&Es Hoarders for 12 years. Heappears regularly as a public speaker, television guest on shows and radio personality helping families find the upside of downsizing. He lives in Atlanta, GA with his family. Excerpt from Book Step One Uncover the Stories Behind the Stuff Did cleaning out Dads space spark an epiphany that decluttering is my lifelong purpose? Not at all. I was just happy to put off my job search for a few months while I figured things out. I still had no idea how I was going to earn a living. My father, my hero, was gone, and I was lost and wandering-and the only thing worse than being lost in life is being lost in life and broke. I had one thing going for me, though: a community. People knew my grandfather, they knew my father, and now they knew me. I had my people. The upside of a tightly knit community is that people look out for you when youre down on your luck. The downside is that everyone knows the details of your life. Both realities played into what happened next. Word got around that I had cleared out my dads house and that I was looking for work. At church one Sunday, a kindly eighty-year-old woman-well call her Etta-came over to me. Id known her my entire life-she and her loving squad of bridge players, with their immaculate, blue-tinted white hair. No matter what was going on in their lives, these women got their hair done at the beauty parlor every other Thursday afternoon. Etta told me shed heard I was looking for some ways to make money and offered to help me out. She lived in an old colonial house like my fathers, and her friends were encouraging her to downsize now that her beloved husband, Jim, had died. She was years away from going into senior living, she hastened to inform me. But she figured I could use some extra money. She asked if I could do some work for her. I quickly agreed, happy to help her out and earn some cash. A few days later, I arrived at her home ready to clear out what I assumed were a few boxes. Then I stepped inside. Ettas home was a sign of a well-lived life. Dishes and crystal of every type imaginable were stacked in her kitchen and dining room. Cases of wine and shelves of wineglasses. Linen tablecloths and napkins folded neatly. At least ten card tables and dozens of decks of cards. It looked to me like her home held enough to supply a banquet hall. I had thought, going over to Ettas home, that helping her declutter would be depressing. Werent we going to throw away a lifetime of stuff, after all? Wouldnt helping her clean out be like helping her write her own obituary? That wasnt what happened at all. Over the next few weeks, Etta and I took pleasure in her favorite life stories. We didnt bury her best years; we celebrated them. She had an eager audience in me, and she was in control of how the organizational process worked. She took her time. Ettas memories were given another life when she recalled them to me-and in this chapter Im giving them another life by recalling them to you. This is the most important part of the process-the part most experts miss entirely. If we dont know the stories behind the stuff, we will never be able to freely let go of it. If you are in the process of decluttering, downsizing, or moving, telling your stories to an interested audience is the magic key. And if youre helping someone else, its your responsibility to listen. In this chapter, Im going to show you how to both tell and listen to the tales. Why Different Generations Collect Different Stuff If youre cleaning out the home of older generations, youll likely notice how differently they consumed and collected stuff than we do in our current era. I hadnt realized this until cleaning Ettas home. Etta was an entirely different species from me or my dad. As we talked that day, I understood for the first time the significance of that generation gap. Etta was a child of the Great Depression. Those of us who have grown up in more prosperous times might not understand what it was like to come of age when scarcity was the norm, not the exception. But those who lived through it never forget it. Soup kitchens and bread lines. Labor strikes and Dust Bowls. "One-third of a nation ill-housed, ill-clad, and ill-nourished," as President Franklin Roosevelt said in 1937. These traumatic memories become part of a generations DNA. Starting with Etta and continuing for the last twenty-plus years, I have worked with that generation and witnessed the indelible imprint the Depression left upon millions of people. Its not always detectable in their words or actions out in public-but its visible in their homes. But I didnt know that yet. So at first, I wondered why Etta seemed to keep everything. Why hold on to those skinny yellow plastic bags tossed on her porch every morning with the newspapers? And the rubber bands wrapped around the armrest of her rocking chair? She had a stack of bulletins from every church service I think she ever attended; it looked like fifty years of neatly stacked Sundays. I was stupefied at the sheer amount of stuff this petite woman possessed. Starting in the dining room and moving to the basement and the attic, we went to work, packing things up, picking and choosing what to keep and what to donate or discard, and, most of all, talking and laughing. And crying. Tears welled up in Ettas eyes as she looked at a note from her father, in his rough handwriting, when hed left home for months to go out in the world in search of work. She showed me his pocket watch, which she remembered him pulling out of a vest pocket often to ensure theyd be on time for appointments. That story led to others: She and her brother splitting a single slice of bread because that was all they had to eat that day. The Christmas when all her mother could afford for her children was a gift of a single orange and a peppermint stick. Etta told me with delight, with gratitude for her good fortune, the luxurious treat of sucking the juice out of the orange through the peppermint stick. I felt like I was not just helping Etta go through her stuff; I was in the trenches with her. As I got to know her, I began to understand why she had so much stuff: For people who had nothing at one time, anything they have is precious. More than sixty years later, Etta hadnt lost the feeling that one day, abundance might suddenly disappear, leaving her with nothing once again. And then every plastic bag, every last rubber band would be as precious as coins and paper bills. Wading through her belongings and talking to Etta about her memories of deprivation, I started to understand something that would later become essential to my lifes work: People hoard to cover up pain. The scarcity Etta had suffered when she was younger stayed with her for the rest of her life. She wanted to have enough in her home so that she would never, ever run out. And plastic bags and rubber bands aside, she was damned proud of the possessions she and Jim had worked their tails off to earn. That made parting with them all the more difficult. Etta explained something else to me: As a full-time homemaker for decades, entertaining guests, friends, and family was deeply important to her. That was why she always kept the house spotless and stocked with enough supplies to serve a small army. When I first got there, I wondered: Who could ever use that many card tables? Id been to some underground casinos in my time, but something told me that Etta wasnt a card shark running an after-hours club in her basement. And enough platters and serving utensils to open a catering business? Now I understood. Jim had been a big-time tobacco executive. He was a strong, sturdy, reliable man-a pillar of the community. I admired him when I was young. People like him built Richmond into the city it is today. But now I was seeing Etta, too, as a pillar. For decades, even while raising two kids, she was ready at any time should Jim bring a colleague, supervisor, or client over to be fed and charmed. Her home, the items she took such pride in, proved her commitment to her family and community. After I spent a few hours helping Etta sort through her memories, she began putting her stuff into perspective. This early in the process, we are only subconsciously coming around to the idea that its not always the pocket watch we love; its the person who wore it. The goal is not to make any hasty decisions about what to toss and what to keep. Its to begin to build the trust necessary to decide together. By the time Etta had recounted some of her most cherished memories, and Id listened with an open mind and heart, she felt she trusted me enough for me to start doing my job. How to Listen Well Much of this book will outline the unmatchable worth of sharing stories. But the flip side of sharing stories is another vital practice: listening to them. To earn someones confidence, you have to be fully present. Hour after hour, day after day. There are no shortcuts, and ideally there should be no multitasking. If you are helping people declutter, they might think you do not care about their stories, let alone want to hear about their past in great detail. Your job is to show that you care. Not just to say it, but to show it, which requires earning their trust along the way. And as I always remind my employees, the word "listen" has the same letters as the word "silent." To listen intently, make sure you leave the technology in the car or at least in another room. Im old school-I bring a pad of paper and a pen to take notes. I do not, under any circumstances, use an electronic device in front of clients. That includes cell phon Details ISBN0593418972 Author Matt Paxton Short Title Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff Language English Year 2022 ISBN-10 0593418972 ISBN-13 9780593418970 Format Paperback Publication Date 2022-02-08 Place of Publication New York Country of Publication United States US Release Date 2022-02-08 UK Release Date 2022-02-08 Pages 320 Subtitle Declutter, Downsize, and Move Forward With Your Life DEWEY 648.8 Audience General NZ Release Date 2022-02-28 AU Release Date 2022-02-28 Publisher Penguin Putnam Inc Imprint Portfolio We've got this At The Nile, if you're looking for it, we've got it. 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